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Three Pestilences of Humanity
These are the most dangerous adversities that humanity faces. They have affected so many lives, and destroyed so much potential, that it is considered a crime to even utter their names. They are not works of The Bad Man, despite what some may believe. They were actually created by The Based God, who realized that if humanity became too powerful for their own good, they would destroy everything, including themselves. Thus, he created three afflictions to make sure that no one could become too godlike...basically, he pre-emptively nerfed us. Kind of a dick move, but he's The Based God, so he gets a pass. Autism The disease of the mind. Autism targets those who are too intelligent, making them do and say stupid shit and embaress themselves on the internet, in the hopes that they will kill themselves before they go too far in their research. This often works, thankfully. This can be cured by the touch of Shin Charles Barkley, who lives in the sun. Aids The disease that affects the body, aids is contracted through doing gay shit and forgetting to say "no homo." Those who are too stage-ready will often find themselves in a situation where they must JO with some bros, and in their hubris due to their swole-itude, they will forget to say "no homo", thus contracting the aids. It causes you to lose street cred 'cause now everyone knows you forgot to say no homo, and due to those who are stage-ready having low self-confidence due to having tiny wieners, having the respect they got from their buffness taken away from them will result in despair, often resulting in suicide. Aids can be cured by Super Shaq. Cancer The most powerful and feared of the three diseases, cancer affects one's soul. When autism and/or aids dosen't achieve the desired effect on someone, then they contract cancer as one final trial they must face. It kills swiftly and brutally, and those who can withstand it are truly top-tier. Telling someone to "get cancer" is a social taboo of the highest order, although calling someone a "cancer patient" is a compliment, due to the fact that those with cancer are both stage-ready and intelligent. The Based God did not even consider the possibility that anyone could withstand the effects of cancer, displaying just how powerful those with living with cancer are. Most cancer can be cured by Larry Bird Requiem...most of it. There is one final form of cancer, something that was assumed to only be legend. That is, the dreaded space cancer. The only way to contract this is to have a piece of The Based God within oneself, which would mean that the subject is powerful enough to have cancer already. Space cancer acts as a limiter, keeping the Basedness from constantly flowing out of the subject and destroying anything in their path. There is no permanent cure anywhere in all of reality, but there is a way to temporarily release the limiter and activate Based Form. This is achieved by blazing up, and smoking that kush, bringing one closer to The Based God in body, mind, and soul. =